Rafael Read online

  “Nope,” I said.

  She started to try to press more of herself to the ground at my feet, but I caught her arm in time. “Please don’t grovel, Pierette, that really bugs me. We’ve talked about this.”

  She got up without me telling her to this time. “I am sorry though, truly. I did not know that you had not spoken to him.”

  “I just talked to all the rest of you two days ago. I hadn’t seen Rafael yet.”

  “My deepest apologies to both of you,” she said.

  I sighed and turned back to the man in question. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, because it was a new one. “You’re fighting for your crown tonight; I wouldn’t have brought it up today.”

  Pierette started to drop back down, but I yelled, “Pierette!” It stopped her in midmotion, and she stood there with her towel, looking truly contrite, and still sort of adorable. It was weird for me to think of other women as adorable, but there it was; I was starting to think I might owe some men an apology for getting angry with them when they’d called me cute or adorable over the years.

  “I am sorry that I do not please you, King Rafael.” She said it eyes down so she couldn’t see the emotions that flew across his face.

  He smiled. “You are beautiful, and I am sure delightful in many ways; please do not think that it is lack of charm that makes me hesitate.”

  She looked at him then, and I knew the look, because it worked on me. She was trying to be cute for him, interesting. “Then I do not understand, Your Majesty.”

  He frowned, I think at the title, but he didn’t correct her, or maybe he, like me, wasn’t sure if it needed correcting, or if it was accurate. “Anita, are you saying that if I said yes, this would be happening now?”

  “You mean the three of us sharing the shower and maybe more?” I asked.

  “Yes, that is what I mean.”

  I sort of shrugged. “Like I said, I was going to talk to you about it.”

  “So that’s a yes,” he said.

  I nodded. “Yes, I hadn’t planned on it happening this soon, but yes.”

  He shook his head. “It’s a trap.”

  I frowned at him. “What’s a trap?”

  “The offer of a three-way.”

  “Um, a trap for what?” I asked.

  “I’ve had this offer before from other women that I’ve dated, and it’s always a trap.”

  “How is it a trap?” I asked.

  “Either the girlfriend uses it as a test to see if I’ll cheat . . .”

  “It’s not cheating if she tries to get you to have a three-way with her and another woman,” I said.

  “That’s not how she saw it,” he said.

  “That’s so not fair,” I said.

  He smiled. “Thank you, I agree with you.”

  “That would be a trap,” Pierette said.

  I looked at her and then we nodded together.

  “Or the three-way happens, the sex is good, everything’s good that night, but in the morning one or both of the women decide that it was an awful idea and it’s my fault somehow,” Rafael said.

  “Your fault how?” I asked.

  “Being a man, I think, somehow being lusty enough to want and satisfy two women. I don’t know, Anita, Pierette, it didn’t make sense to me at the time.”

  “So, every time any woman has offered you a chance to sleep with her and another woman, it’s been a trap?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said.

  “Well, Pierette is my girlfriend, so . . .”

  He shook his head. “Tried that, ended up with them being jealous of the time I had with each of them and it broke us all up.”

  “Were they polyamorous?” I asked.

  He thought about that. “No, bisexual, but not poly.”

  “Then there was your problem,” I said.

  “I believe that you mean what you say, Anita, you usually do, and I do appreciate the offer, but no matter how well it begins, it has always ended in drama, breaking up, and sometimes violence.”

  “What kind of violence?” I asked.

  “One of them stabbed me.”

  I stared at him. “Shit, that’s . . . tell me you pressed charges. I hate the double standard that if a woman hurts a man, she gets a pass just because she’s a girl. Equality means just that; you do something awful, you get the same punishment.”

  He shook his head. “It was a steak knife, no silver in the steel. There wouldn’t even be a wound by the time police could arrive; besides, I am a king and a wererat, it would have made me look weak.”

  “Did you feel she was justified? I mean not stabbing you, but did you cheat on her or something?”

  “The morning after the three-way that was her idea, with the woman of her choice, she woke up third in the bed. Her friend and I were kissing.”

  “You thought you had her permission,” I said.

  “We both did, but she got out of bed obviously upset, so I went after her, trying to understand what I’d done wrong.”

  “Which was what?” I asked.

  He smiled. “I think when it was all over, her complaint was that I hadn’t kissed her awake first. She wanted to share me with her friend, but she didn’t want me to like her friend better.”

  “Wow, I understand why you’re leery of being with two women at once now. I’m like totally sorry that Pierette sprang it on you like this, and we can skip it, or talk later, or whatever makes you the most comfortable.”

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “Wait a second, what did you do to the woman who stabbed you if the police weren’t involved?”

  “I broke up with her; why, what did you think I had done to her?”

  “Trying to kill the king for most shapeshifter groups is an automatic death sentence outside of a formal challenge.”

  “It was suggested by some of my people, but she didn’t really want me dead. She was horrified as soon as she saw the blood. She begged my forgiveness, professed her love for me. I think she even meant it.”

  “Abusers are always sorry afterward, but it’s still not love,” I said.

  He studied my face. “You consider what she did the same as a man hitting a woman?”

  “If you stab someone because you’re jealous of them, that’s crazy and abusive no matter what sex you are—it’s not okay for a man to do it, or a woman to do it, or anyone to do that to another human being because they’re jealous of them.”

  “Very practical,” he said.

  “You look and feel like you’re not outraged by it, like it was okay. You know it’s not okay, right? You know that was not your fault, or justified in any way, right?” I asked.

  “I do now, but it would take me years after it happened to understand that.”

  “How can you not know that’s not okay, Rafael?”

  “I am attracted to sexy, crazy, unstable women, and that is my fault.”

  “Should I be insulted?” I asked with a smile.

  It was his turn to look embarrassed. “No, no, you are the most stable relationship I’ve ever had.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, because it seemed sad. “Really?”

  He laughed. “The look on your face, Anita, and yes, really. No matter how sane and together they seem, if I’m attracted to them, they are seriously unstable. Some hide their insanity better than others, but it’s always there. The harder I am driven to pursue a woman, the crazier she will prove to be.”

  “Even your ex-wife?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Oh, yes. I learned not to marry in haste after that one.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Don’t be, I’ve learned my lesson. I simply don’t date unless someone else chooses the woman for me.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked.

  “Very serious.”

  “Your taste in women is that bad?”

  He nodded.

  “That is a terrible burden,” Pierette said.

  He looked at her. “Thank you for
understanding that it is exactly that.”

  “So, with me you get sex, but don’t have to worry about the relationship part.”

  “You do sex like you’re the crazy girlfriend, but you do relationships as logically and as pragmatically as any woman I’ve ever met.”

  “Thank you, I think, but I’m not sure about the last part. I don’t feel very logically when I’m in love.”

  “No one does,” Pierette said.

  He turned to her with a smile. “Thank you so much for being willing to try this with us, Pierette. It is a lovely offer and you are a lovely woman, but for tonight Anita and I need to talk about what it might mean for our arrangement, and she has to convince me that it won’t blow up in my face.” He took her hand in his and laid his lips across her knuckles as it was meant to be, not an actual kiss. Jean-Claude had taught me the difference, just as he’d taught me to let him raise my hand to his lips and not to try to raise my hand to him and smack him in the mouth.

  Pierette got her clothes and her weapons out of the little locker, and then she left the way some of the other guards had, with her belongings in her arms, as if we wouldn’t have waited for her to dress. It was awkward, but not as awkward as the conversation had been.

  When we were alone, I said, “Sorry that she sprang that on you.”

  “It was a lovely thought, Anita, but thank you for understanding that I am gun-shy about it.”

  “It’s not just the one who stabbed you that offered a threesome, is it?”

  He smiled, shrugged, and finally said, “I am attracted to women who are willing to try anything once, or who are already doing nonstandard sex, but also I am king of the rodere. Our women used to fight over who would be in my bed.”

  “Do you mean really fight for the privilege?” I asked.

  He smiled, looked embarrassed, and then nodded. “If the king has a clear choice, then there is no need, but once I stopped trying to date seriously within the rodere, the fights began. It is part of our culture that a great many things are settled with fights. Except for the battle for king, it does not have to be to the death, it can be to just first blood, but it is a way our people settle many things.”

  “I’ve never heard of any of the women in your clan fighting over you,” I said.

  “It was hurting us as a clan, so I ruled that if they fought for me, neither would win a place in my bed. I finally had to simply not date anyone within our clan, and then as I became king of more rat clans, I just ran out of dating possibilities. The power and stability were more important to me, and as I ruled over more people and land, I found that I didn’t have time to pursue a relationship, and here we are.”

  “Wow, now I’m sort of embarrassed that I brought the topic up with our poly group, because it’s going to hit all sorts of issue buttons for you.”

  “Who else besides Pierette agreed to it?” he asked, and the fact that he asked it at all meant that he was still intrigued by the idea.

  “Angel’s arm went up so fast I thought she’d pop a ligament.”

  He laughed.

  “Fortune was interested, but I think Echo is feeling that they’re spreading themselves too thin now.”

  “They have been a couple for hundreds of years, that must take precedence,” he said.

  I nodded. “Yeah, till death do you part can last a hell of a long time when one of you is a vampire.”

  “Only if the vampire makes you their human servant, or their animal to call, so you share their ageless immortality,” he said.

  “If I make you my rat to call, I can’t promise I have any ageless immortality to share. I’m not a real vampire, I just share some of the powers of one.”

  “I know, it is not for that reason I wish you to mark me.”

  “You want the power,” I said.

  He nodded. “I do.”

  “It’s not that simple, Rafael.”

  “Some of the people in your life are afraid that tying yourself to me will take time and attention from them,” he said.

  I must have looked surprised, because he added, “I have spoken with Micah at length. He told me that some of your secondaries already feel they do not get enough of you.”

  “I guess that’s another reason I thought about you sleeping with some of the other women. I thought that might take the pressure off the just-you-and-me dynamics and calm all the insecure people down,” I said.

  “It is a good idea, Anita, but one thing I’ve learned dating crazy, passionate women is that logic and good ideas cannot reassure an insecure person. No matter what you do, it is never enough, because the insecurity is inside them and only they can fix it.”

  “Wise words,” I said.

  “I try, but I would like to leave wisdom behind now.”

  “What did you have in mind?” I asked, smiling.

  “Fuck me like you’re one of my crazy exes.”

  I laughed.

  “Then feed on me, feed on all the rats, take as much energy as you can.”

  “You don’t want me to take that much,” I said.

  “No, but take what you can, just in case.”

  “I’ll have to alert everyone that I’m taking that big a feeding, so no one is driving a car or something where they need to concentrate,” I said.

  “Benito has already sent out the text chain to let my people know.”

  I could have argued that he should have asked me before the text went out, but I didn’t. He’d been proactive, I sort of liked that. Competency and confidence were sexy, and Rafael had both of those in spades.

  5

  WE GOT OUR clothes off in a rush of hands and eager kisses, but once we got into the shower, it slowed down to hands gliding over and exploring smooth, wet skin.

  Rafael drew back to gaze down at me, water running from his hair, down his face. I had to move back enough that I was in the void his body made in the pattern of the water drops so that the only water hitting me was a few stray drops as it poured over him.

  “I want time with you, Anita. I’m not in the mood for a quickie,” he said, raising his voice a little over the sound of the water.

  “Okay,” I said, “probably better not to hog the showers from everybody anyway.” I tried to make it a joke, but his face stayed solemn and the weight of emotions in his eyes was almost too heavy to lift.

  “Unless you need to go to one of your other lovers?” He smiled at the end, but the only thing that lifted was the edges of his lips; his eyes and expression stayed heavy and closed down. Not in a hiding-his-thoughts-from-me way, but as if his thoughts were too dark to hide from me.

  “I already answered this question, Rafael. No, no one else is expecting me. We’re all supposed to be working out or have plans with other people.”

  “If you need to exercise more . . .”

  I touched his lips with my fingers. He looked at me with eyes that looked like wounds, so full of defeat. What the hell was going on? Why was this fight different from all the others?

  “I’m here for you, Rafael.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, holding me so that our nude bodies were as close as they could be without having sex, but it wasn’t erotic. His body was still against mine. The earlier heat was just gone as if the shower had washed it away along with the sweat of the workout. I put the side of my face against his chest, using his body and my own head to direct the water away from my face so I could breathe if I was careful. If you took in a big gasping breath with water on either side of your face in a shower, you could inhale water, but I knew better.

  He murmured into my wet hair, “Will you come watch me fight tonight, Anita?”

  “I thought it was wererats only,” I said.

  “Usually, but I am allowed a mate who is outside the power structure.”

  “What does that mean, outside the power structure?”

  “I am not the only king in our history who had problems dating within his clan. I am allowed a girlfriend, even a spouse who is not a wererat.”


  I rubbed the side of my face against his chest, carefully, so that I didn’t end up with a face full of water. “If it won’t cause more problems for you and the rest of us, then sure, I’ll come and cheer you on tonight.”

  “I want you to see what a challenge is like, and I want you to see Hector before the fighting starts.”

  “Why do you want me to see him before the fight?” I asked.

  He held me tighter, closer, and I wrapped my own arms around his waist and held him harder as if just that would make things better. It didn’t, but it didn’t make them worse either.

  “You should see him clean and strong before I hurt him.”

  “You’re going to kill him, Rafael, what does it matter what he looks like alive and healthy?” I asked. I wanted to see his face, but we were holding each other too tightly; if I raised my face up, I’d drown.

  “If I win, yes, but if he wins, then you need to seduce him, Anita. You need to do everything you can to protect those closest to both of us in my clan.”

  “That’s it,” I said, and tried to pull away from him, but he held me in place. I raised my face to try to see him and got a face full of high-pressure water. At least I hadn’t breathed in, I thought as I tucked my face back against his chest. “Rafael, why are you talking like this?”

  “It is always a possibility that I will lose, Anita, you know that.”

  “Damn it,” I said, and fumbled behind him for the shower controls. I turned the wrong one and we were suddenly covered in icy water. I cursed and found the correct knob. The water stopped and it was suddenly quiet. He held me close, putting one hand against my head so I couldn’t move enough to even see his face. I could have struggled and maybe made him let me go, or maybe he would have let me go just because I struggled, but in that moment I felt the strength of his arm around my body like iron made flesh and coated in a smooth, wonderful brown skin. His hand was like steel holding me in place, my face pressed against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat now, thick and sure of itself.

  I let him hold me but didn’t hold him back. I rested my hands on his hips; under other circumstances it would have been sexy, but not now. “What is going on, Rafael?” I felt ridiculous talking like this, all pressed to his chest, but I wanted him to answer my question more than I wanted to fight him over where I was standing.